Truth or Pander?

“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

This is the thought I have kept coming back to for the past couple of weeks. If I adopted this way of thinking for a motto, in theory I would just say and do whatever I felt was the right thing to do. This would also mean that if people protested for whatever reason, I can ignore what they say because if they mind, they don't matter. Right?

If I went around telling the absolute naked truth whenever asked, I would probably end up pushing some people away. This begs the question: does that mean they were only superficial friends to begin with, and only wanted to be associated with me if I was nice and sweet all the time? In that case, perhaps one is better off to not be friends with such people.

To take a quote from a book called 'Spiritual Friendship': “Therefore, as Ambrose says, 'if you detect some vice in your friend, correct him privately; if he does not listen, correct him publicly. For corrections are good, and often better than an unresponsive friendship. Should a friend think he is being wronged, correct him nonetheless. Even if his soul is wounded by the bitterness of correction, correct him nonetheless. Wounds from a friend are better than the fraudulent kisses of an enemy.' Therefore, correct an erring friend. But in correction, above all avoid anger and bitterness of spirit. Otherwise you may seem to wish not to amend a friend so much as to vent your own spleen.” [emphasis mine]

(I think I'm rather more aware of the last bit now than I was a few weeks ago.)

But my intention is not to focus solely on telling the truth in friendship. My question is, should we tell the truth all the time, no matter what the consequences?

This doesn't mean that I'm about to go around telling everyone what to do. But if asked, I'm feeling less and less inclined to smile and say 'oh, whatever you think is best'. 

I don't want to be that person who panders to what people want to hear, instead of what they need to hear.

And I want people to tell me the truth too. If I do something that makes another person hurt/angry/upset/etc, I want them to tell ME instead of running around telling everyone else my newest transgression while I sit there thinking everything's hunky-dory. 

It's something I need to work on--I don't always go directly to the person that hurt or insulted me. But that doesn't mean it's a good way of handling things.

Concerning public correction: if one goes to a friend and says 'you really ought to work on this', and the friend says 'okay' but never changes...is that a reason to correct them publicly? For some people it takes a huge, drastic, outside influence to make them see that they need to change. Is that a friend's place, or are we just supposed to toss our hands up and say 'well, whatever'? 

I'm truly asking for people's opinions here, by the by. I'm not scattering these thoughts around just to see how big of a mess I can make.